These Birds Stay Thirsty

...And hungry, apparently.

Since August of 2015, I've witnessed birds poop on...
1. The ground in front of me, a few inches away from my foot. 
2. The trunk of my car right before I manually opened it.
3. The hood of my car, about 30 minutes after a car wash.

Gotta catch em all?

4. My Panama Jack hat while I was at the beach. Thankfully, I wasn't wearing it at the time.

It looks similar to this.

5. My shirt while I was relaxing poolside on my vacation.

I also had an incident where I was driving down a highway and a bird flew directly into my eye line before pulling up at my windshield and flew away. I'm pretty sure that was a sign from a person in my life who passed away recently. Other than that occasion, I don't know why I've been having these interactions with birds so often. Maybe the bird is my spirit animal (I always thought it'd be, like, a jaguar, or a puppy).

According to this article, the reason why it's a positive thing when bird feces land on you or your stuff is because good fortune should be coming your way afterwards. If this is true, I'd like to cash in on that. Because I could definitely use some. Preferably, before more excrement rains down from the skies while I'm wearing a tuxedo or something.

This kid feels my pain.